I don’t have a lot in common with Marie Antoinette.*
She wanted to let them to eat cake**; I would rather have kept the cakes for myself. I have been known to hose an entire box of chocolate éclairs in one sitting. Let them eat chips; I'm not so fussed about them. You can quote me on that.
She married a bloke who could carry off a bit of makeup. Meeester looks terrible in drag. He once went as Pat Butcher (of Eastenders) for Halloween and the actress who plays her, Pam St Clement, sued us.
She used to like to dress up as a peasant. If she were to do this today, she would inevitably have to sport a Kappa tracksuit to get this down to a tee. Myself, I loathe the look of the chav and wouldn’t be seen dead in anything with a stripe down the side of the leg.
She caused a stir by accepting a diamond necklace from a courtier and tried to give it back to avoid scandal. I would have kept it. I have a jewellery obsession that is outwith my means. I’ll take any freebies I can get. Scandal or no.
She was Royal Austrian married into Royal French. I am working class immigrant Irish and German stock moved to Glasgow, and then married into the East Kilbride Martini dynasty. It’s hardly the same thing. Meeester’s dad did his family tree some years back. Apparently the Martinis were a band of horse thieves in the 19th Century. We’re the sort of people who would have been in stocks back in Antoinette’s day.
She was last girl born in her family, I was first. We first borns have it tough. I’ll bet Antoinette used to hang around her older sister’s room when her mates were round playing records and bug them 'til they were forced to give her a beating.
The young Mozart apparently sat on her knee and gave her a cheeky kiss after performing one of his little tunes for the Austrian Court. My groupie days are well documented on this blog, but I've never bagged a child star. That would be wrong.
Despite all these differences, I discovered whilst researching her for my Halloween costume this year, that Marie Antoinette was exactly same age (to the month) as I am now when she had her pretty head*** cut off in front of a baying crowd.
* I would just like to point out that I dressed up as Marie Antoinette for a Halloween party. Not just for this blog. That said, I will dress up as other historical characters given enough cash and notice.
**Antoinette never said this. It was a Spanish noblewoman member of the French court that made the remark. She should have had Max Clifford sort this out. A terrible misquotation and consequent damage to character. Oh well, too late now.
*** Needless to say the morning after our respective events both Marie Antoinette and I woke up and said the same thing, "Ooooh, my poor head!"